


Toxic

by fiftyshadesofbourbon



Category: Fifty Shades of Grey - All Media Types, Fifty Shades of Grey Series - E. L. James
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:49:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 22,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28673259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiftyshadesofbourbon/pseuds/fiftyshadesofbourbon
Relationships: Christian Grey/Leila Williams
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1 - Bourbon Brown Eyes

March 27, 2009

Christian POV;

My eyes flicker up to the clock once again, five minutes left. Then I'm done with work for the day and only have to make one quick stop at Escala to get a change of clothes before I have to head to Metropolitan Grill for dinner with a prospective submissive. When Elena first recommended her to me I was hesitant to say the least. It had only been a few days since I ended things with my most recent submissive, Emily, and the way Elena described her was so different from any of the other fourteen women I've been with. All I know of her from Elena's email is that she's younger, five years younger to be exact. I can infer she enjoys art, as Elena met her while visiting an art museum last weekend. Physically she's small, and a brunette, just like all the others. Elena is well aware of my preferences. Elena seems to favor her over any of the other woman she's recommend to me before, which I find intriguing to say the least. She described her as one of the most lovely girls she's ever seen. In addition to being beautiful, Elena also described her as someone who seems to have a dark soul. That's what really got my attention. I've been filled with wonder all day, thinking of Elena's intriguing description of Mrs. Leila Williams, almost to the point of distraction, as I've waited for the day to end. I'm so deep in my thoughts I barely even notice when everyone starts packing their things to leave. My eyes flicker back to the clock one last time, confirming that my five minutes have passed, thus concluding my final meeting of the day. I almost jump out of my seat and quickly make my way out of the building and into the car with Taylor. "Before dinner I need to make a quick stop at Escala." I remind Taylor. "Sir." He nods swiftly and begins the short drive to Escala.

The Metropolitan Grill is particularly busy tonight, practically bursting with life as people come in and out. An overly loud couple passes me and I watch them, absentmindedly. The woman appears to be incredibly intoxicated. She has her arm linked with his almost forcefully as they walk, her nails digging into his skin, but her partner doesn't seem to mind. He laughs along with her, then scoops her up into his arms and carries her to the car. Once they've disappeared from view I spot another couple as they walk into the restaurant. Now that I think about it there seems to be a lot of couples here. It must be date night. "Sir, are you alright? You've been sitting in the car an awfully long time." Taylor asks, snapping me out of my trance. "Yes, of course." I respond, as confidently as I can manage. "I don't mean to pry, sir, but you seem....... nervous, maybe. Is something going on?" He questions. "I'm fine, just trying to gather my thoughts. I've had an off day." I pause for a moment, looking through the window into the restaurant. I spot a brunette woman sitting at the bar, clicking her heels together. That must be Leila. "I should be going now, I'm meeting someone." I hop out of the car without waiting for his response. I walk to the door in four long strides, then I'm inside.

My feet carry me forward, approaching the bar. As I get closer my nose picks up a new scent, something almost sickeningly sweet and minty. The combination is wonderful. I take another step forward and inhale deeply before my brain registers that sweet fragrance I'm smelling is her. I take the seat next to her and stare first at the glass in her hand, then my eyes trail downwards, over her deep violet blouse, her fitted black skirt, all the way down to her dainty feet encased in open toed heels. When my eyes finally make their way back up her body her wide bourbon brown eyes meet mine and I gasp. Elena was right. She is beautiful, exceptionally so. "You must be Leila. I'm Christian." A small smile appears on her stunning face. "Of course... Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Grey." Her tongue glides over her lower lip briefly and I feel my cock harden in response. "The pleasure's all mine." With a smirk, I offer my hand to her and she tentatively takes it. "Finish your drink." I command, standing up and sliding my wallet out of my pocket. As I pay for her drink, she swallows the remainder of her drink in one quick gulp, following my order. "Come." She rises from her seat and steps beside me. "Lead the way, Sir." She gives me a conspiratorial look, then turns her eyes down to the floor. I lead her into the furthest corner of the room and stop in front of the very back table. I reserved it in advance for our meeting. I courteously pull her chair out a few inches from the table for her. "Sit." I gesture to the empty chair. She steps in front of me, momentarily giving me a sensational view of her delectable ass that's barely contained in her tight mini skirt, then she bends over and positions herself in her seat. She sits on the edge of the chair, perfectly poised. I push her chair in, until she's pressed against the table, then I take a seat in the chair across from her.

I don't take my eyes off her as we eat, observing every last detail about her. The more I look at her, the more I notice. Her nose is spotted with light freckles and she has a dimple in one cheek. My eyes wander down to her chest, watching, hypnotized, as her chest rises and falls with each breath she takes. Her chocolate brown hair falls onto her breasts as she moves and she quickly swats it away with her hand, annoyed by the sensation. I finish my meal before her, and I watch idly for a moment as she twirls her fork around in her hand. "I have some questions for you, Mrs. Williams." She peers up at me through her big perceptive eyes. "Yes?" She drops her fork to give me her full attention. "I'm sure Elena informed you of the nature of this meeting, correct?" I question. "Yes, Sir. She was very clear on your... interests." She chooses her words carefully. "Good. Did she fill you in on any of the details?" She nods. "She told me I'd be expected to sign an NDA, which is fine. I'd never tell anyone anyway. She also informed me that your expectations might be a bit higher than any of my previous partners since your needs are so particular." Elena told her all that? I'm glad she's well informed, but a little shocked, usually Elena likes to keep it vague. This woman must have had quite the impression on her. "Right, well, let's just get the NDA out of the way then." I pull the folded paper out of my jacket pocket and hand it to her, along with a pen. She takes her time and reads it thoroughly, then signs it in her elegant handwriting. She then passes it back to me, along with the pen. "Thank you." I tuck it neatly away into my pocket. Now, onto the more difficult stuff. "As Elena mentioned I have expectations." She swallows nervously, waiting to hear what I have to say. "I'll expect you to stay with me at Escala every Friday through Sunday for the duration of our relationship. I'll have a room prepared for you immediately with all the essentials, along with a full wardrobe of clothes. You'll be expected to wear the clothing I have pre-approved for you at all times. I will also expect you to keep yourself well-groomed to my liking. I'll have scheduled beauty appointments for you at Esclava as often as necessary. You'll be expected to eat from a prescribed list of foods and workout at least three to four times a week, although I'd suggest more. I'll expect you to do all the cooking necessary for the duration of your visits and to do so without hesitation. Are you comfortable with these demands?" She hesitates for a while before answering, thinking about it. "Yes, Sir." She smiles brightly at me. "Good. We'll discuss the more fine details another time and I'll have you go over our contract as well." Her smile deepens. "I'm looking forward to it, Sir." Her eyes flicker down my body, sticking to the bulge in my pants briefly, then snaking back up to my eyes. "Tell me about yourself, Mrs. Williams. I want to know all your secrets." I gaze at her intensely through hooded eyes, as her skin flushes a light pink color and the dimple in her cheek pops out. "What would you like to know?" She asks, for the first time sounding shy. "My friend Elena tells me you're interested in Art." I prod. "Oh, yes. Very much so. I like observing but my real passion is creating. I love to draw and paint. I find it very calming." She bursts out, her eyes lighting up with passion. "Really?" I lean in towards her, inhaling her wonderful sensual scent. "Tell me more." I insist and her smile appears once more. I glance down, noticing the uneaten portion of her meal, and frown. "Eat while you talk." I correct, my voice stern. She reacts immediately to the change in my voice, growing serious for a moment, and casting her eyes down to her plate. She takes a bite and chews slowly, dragging it out longer than necessary, then she begins giving me a detailed explanation of all her favorite artists, casually turning the conversation away from herself. By the time she finishes, I feel as though she's given me a small glimpse into her soul, and I like what I see.

I escort her outside, my hand pressed to her lower back as we walk, and I stop just outside the restaurant. We both automatically step back as a couple walks past us, both of us shying away from the strangers. I watch the couple walk past us into the restaurant, the man's hand slips around her waist as they walk, reminding me of my hand that's still pressed to Leila's lower back. We probably look like just another couple out for date night from the outside, even though I know inside we could never be like them. Still, I don't feel the need to move my hand off her, instead I run it further down her spine, enjoying the feel of her soft blouse and warm skin against my hand. I look at her, checking her out for what must be the millionth time tonight. Her hair is gorgeous in this lighting. It cascades down her small back in thick long waves, stopping just above my hand. I resist the urge to run my fingers through her hair and instead settle on pushing it to one side. "Do you have a ride home?" I ask, still running my fingers up and down her back. She's soft, yet slender, too slender. The thought bothers me and I push it to the back of my mind immediately before I can dwell on it too much. "I was going to call a cab." She admits, sounding embarrassed. Does she not have a car? "No need. I'll have my driver take you home." At that, I wave Taylor over from where he's parked. When he pulls up I open the car door and lean in. "Taylor, We'll be giving Mrs. Williams a ride home tonight." He nods. "Yes, Sir." Leila's lips twitch into a smirk at Taylor's response and I give her my best smile. I gesture towards the car. "After you. Mrs. Williams."


	2. Chapter 2 - Esclava

April 3, 2009

Leila Pov;

My reflection stares back at me in the massive oval mirror in front of me as Franco stands behind me, running a brush through my long dark hair. Upon Christian's request I am getting the full submissive special, as I like to call it. Full waxing, haircut, manicure and pedicure, The works. I look around the room, unable to focus on any one thing, as Franco gushes over my hair. I like Franco. He calls me Bella and speaks in a lovely Italian accent. I can see why Christian made me an appointment here, Esclava is even more beautiful on the inside than out. Everything is so perfectly crafted to fit the up-scale, classy, chic mood of the salon. And the staff is brilliant, everyone is so nice and attentive. I'll have to thank Christian for setting me up here as soon as I get to Escala. I never would've been able to afford an appointment here before. "Just layers and small trim, I think. Right, Bella?" Franco asks, bringing me back to the task at hand; deciding what to do with my overgrown mess of hair. "Yes, I think that Christian would like that, don't you?" I smile to myself, imagining Christians reaction. Perhaps he'll take me to his playroom right away. "Ah, He'll love it, Bella." He reaches for his spray bottle of water with a huge smile on his face. I've changed my mind, I don't like Franco. I love him. I watch in the mirror as he sprays and brushes my tangled curls into submission, then begins cutting. I stare straight ahead as he cuts my hair, looking at my own reflection in the mirror. I look awful, although slightly better than I did when I first woke up this morning. I'm hoping when my hair's cut and styled it'll brighten up my appearance some. My eyes look huge and bright in contrast to the deep, dark circles forming beneath them. Even the perfect lighting of the salon can't make my dark circles lighter. My skin is clear and flawless, but far too pale and dull. However, I'm certain seeing Christian later will bring some color into my cheeks..... Just the thought of seeing him later sends heat flushing over my neck and cheeks, bringing a hint of blush with them. I hardly got even a second of sleep last night, thoughts of Christian and I's meeting kept me wide awake throughout the night. Also the reminder that I'd be seeing him today didn't help me to relax much. I wonder if I'll always be this nervous upon seeing him or if I'll get used to it over time. If I don't get used to his intense manner soon I'll have to invest in some high quality sleeping pills. "Are you allergic to anything? Your neck here is turning pink." I push my thoughts of Christian aside, remembering where I am. "What?" I'm sure Franco said something to me, but I wasn't quite paying attention. He points to the pink splotch lingering on my neck, making me blush for a whole new reason. "Oh, no. I'm fine." I force my lips into a reassuring smile and try my best to forget all about Christian for the time being. Instead, I focus on the music playing softly in the back ground, humming along quietly to myself.

By the time I get to Escala the soft drizzle outside from earlier has turned into a full on downpour. I'm soaking wet before I can even get my umbrella out to protect myself. "I'll take your coat, Mrs. Williams." Christian helps me out of my beige trench coat and hangs it up by the door, leaving me in my soaking wet jeans and t-shirt. "Come with me." He leads me down a dark hallway and into a bedroom. He flicks the light switch next to me on and the room floods with a warm glow of light. "This will be your room. The closet is fully stocked as well as the dresser. To the right is your bathroom which is also fully stocked with any supplies you might want or need." I nod. This was explained to me before, although this is my first time actually seeing the room. It's gorgeously designed and the furniture is a perfect shade of ivory. "I'm sure you'll want some time alone to get settled in and to dry off." He casually runs one of his long fingers through a strand of my soaking wet hair and I avert my gaze to the floor. "Dinner will be ready in about an hour. I'll expect you to be finished settling in by then." I can't tell for sure, but it sounds like he's smiling. "Yes, sir." I keep my head bowed as I stare impassively down at the ground. I don't look up until the door clicks shut behind me and I know he's gone. I look behind me to be sure he's gone, then I set my bag down on the bed and begin looking around. I browse the massive collection of designer clothing he's bought me, stroking each piece of material that my hand can find. There seems to be a pattern among the clothes he's bought me. Almost every single piece of clothing is blue, purple, or pink. Of course there are other color options for a few things, but not a lot. After having a thorough look around, I decide to take a break from looking at the clothes to unpack my bag. Christian insisted that I have no reason to bring any of my things here and that he could buy me anything I needed, but I brought my sketch pad and pencils anyway, along with a few other personal items I couldn't bear to part with even just for the short duration of my stays here. I sigh, tossing my sketch pad onto the nightstand, and take one last long look around the room. Then I strip out of my wet clothes and start a hot bath for myself to freshen up before dinner.

Christian Pov;

I've just taken my seat at the bar for dinner when I hear light footsteps coming down the hallway. I turn just in time to see Leila walking in. She looks stunning, freshly bathed and with her hair meticulously blow dried. Her lips curve into a small smile upon seeing me, but she quickly casts her eyes down and composes herself within seconds. She gracefully hops onto the stool next to me and crosses her legs. Then she glances up at me curiously, her wide eyes bright with curiosity.  
"Good Evening, sir." She addresses me, her soft voice giving away no emotion.  
"Good Evening, Mrs. Williams. I hope you're settling in okay?"  
"Yes, sir."  
"Good." I cut myself off a piece of my smoked salmon and take a bite, then watch as Leila does the same, following my lead as usual. While she's still focused on eating, I reach out and run my fingers through a section of her smooth chocolate brown hair. "Your hair looks lovely, I'm glad you decided to blow dry it, otherwise I would've missed out on Franco's beautiful work." I admire her hair, my mind drifting off to thoughts of the playroom and of braiding that beautiful hair of hers.  
"Thank you, sir." My fingers trail down to the ends of her hair, brushing past her hip bone, then back up to stroke her cheek. Her cheek turns a light shade of pink as I touch it and I wonder what the rest of her skin will look like under a much less gentle touch. "Finish eating." I breathe, my lips inches from her ear.  
"I already finished eating, Sir." My palms twitch at the hint of disobedience in her voice. I know from her background check that she has an extensive medical record, especially from her teen years, I read through it in detail, she's struggled with eating disorders for years. I know she's going to be difficult on this issue, but I'm prepared to be just as difficult.  
"No, all of it." I order.  
Her lips twitch into a smirk and she slowly pushes her plate away, sitting up higher in her chair.  
"No." She says, looking directly into my eyes. For a second, she just smirks at me, neither of us saying a word. Then I grab her. I bend her over my knee, pushing the fabric of her dress out of my way, and swiftly pull her panties to the side, tearing the thin fabric in the process. Then my palm smacks into her backside hard, making her gasp in shock. "This is for disobeying me." My hand smacks into her again, this time closer to the back of her inner thigh, and she squeals burying her face in her hair. I hit her again, this time right in the center. Then another time on the left cheek. When I finally catch sight of her face I see she's smiling, clearly enjoying the nature of her punishment. I hit her one more time, then I flip her back upright and position her in her seat. She smiles breathlessly, looking down at the floor. "Now, eat." I demand, picking up her fork and placing it in her hand. Her smile disappears. "Yes, Sir." She breathes, taking the fork. She then begins eating, without looking at me. Her mischievous mood has gone as quickly as it came and with the help of my now aching palm has been replaced with her usual sweet submissive manner. I smile, pleased, as she squirms around in her seat, knowing her backside is surely ten times as red and sore as my hand. So it begins......


	3. Chapter 3 - The Red Room

April 16, 2009

Christian Pov;

Leila kneels before me in nothing but her red lace thong, facing down at the floor awaiting my command. She looks absolutely stunning. I admire her for a moment until I see her expression change from impassive to impatient. I chose to ignore her slip up instead of punishing her for it. "I want you on the bed with your hands ready to be tied." She nods and flexes her fingers where they're placed on her thighs. "I think you deserve to be rewarded this evening." A hint of a smile forms on her face as she follows my orders and moves to lay on the bed. I untwist my bundle of red rope and take it around her delicate wrist. I tie each of her hands to their opposite posts, then move to do the same with both feet. She has such small, dainty feet, and her toenails have been painted a rich maroon color. I hadn't noticed it until now, but I like it. I'll have to remember to tell her of that when she gets them redone. Her eyes have stayed frozen on my hands as I tied her and now they gaze up at me alight with desire as I place a grey blindfold over her eyes to take away her sight. I then place an earbud in each of her ears and turn on the most recently played song. It's a classical piece as usual. Most of the songs on her playroom playlist are classical. I view her with pride as I examine my work. She can't move, she can't hear, she can't see. She's entirely at my mercy. Her lips part and she exhales softly as I drag my hand across her chest and down her middle. My fingers just barely graze the crack between her thighs and her whole body tenses in response. I smile at her attempt at moving, knowing the rope will only hurt her wrists and ankles if she moves too much. I take a bronze flogger from it's display and drag it across her foot and up her left leg, then do the same with the right. I purposely avoid allowing it to touch between her thighs. I draw it across her middle and up her chest and collarbone. Then with a slight flick of my wrist it smacks into her right breast. Her gasp goes straight to my already growing erection. I repeat the motion on her left side, then drag it up along her shoulder and back down her middle. It smacks right into her center and she gasps once more. I continue at a steady pace grazing her body with the flogger and occasionally allowing it to smack into her. Her skin turns bright pink under each hit. She moans when it hits right between her thighs. That's when I decide she's ready. I toss the flogger aside for the time being and climb on top of her. I can now not just hear her heavy breathing, but feel it. Her body shakes as I hover over her and I deftly remove her earbuds. "I know how much you love that flogger, but I'm done rewarding you. This is for my pleasure." I plunge into her and her mouth flies open, but no sound comes out. I thrust hard, grabbing onto her wrists and holding her down completely and she groans. "Yeah, baby, feel it." I command and her moans get even louder. I thrust in and out of her, each time harder than the next until I feel her explode around me, her whole body flooded with pleasure and shaking with each thrust of my hips. I keep going as she orgasms, until I find my release as well. I collapse on her momentarily, before I have to move to untie her.

With her wrists and ankles untied and her blindfold removed she's free to move, but she remains on the bed. She curls up into a small ball and closes her wide eyes, in a mix of contentment and exhaustion. I cover her small body with a soft dark red blanket from the bed. Then I sit down with her and undo the long intricate braid I put in her hair. Her hair falls in waves all down her back and along my chest. "As much as I love your beautiful hair braided, I think I love it even more this way." I observe, running my fingers down her silken strands. Her hair is so incredibly soft and it smells heavenly. I bury my nose in it. The smell brings back memories, good ones, the kind that are so rare for me. The scent of her hair reminds me of my early memories of my birth mother. When she would bake and hum songs to herself as she did. When she used to love me. Before she left me all alone and afraid and cold. Leila is warm. I hold her closer, knowing it's not only for her comfort, but mine too. I run my fingers through her long hair continuously, feeling it get softer and less tangled as I go along. "Master, may I say something?" Leila questions, her voice breathy and a bit hoarse. I pause a minute before I answer, wondering what she might say. I had expected her to have fallen asleep, but somehow she's still awake. Even I'm getting sleepy myself, and usually I stay up much later into the night than her with work. "Go ahead." I give her my permission to speak to me directly, curiosity getting the best of me. "I just wanted to say that.... that was....sensational. I'd like to go up to my bed for the evening if that's alright with you, master." Her sweet full lips turn up into a slight smile when she says 'master.' It's extremely sexy. "Yes, you need to get some rest." I get up from the bed and she moves into an upright position, her fingers clutching the blanket to her chest. "Let me carry you." I scoop her petite body up in my arms and carry her down the hallway to her bedroom where I leave her.


	4. Chapter 4 - Hide and Seek

May 3, 2009

Christians Pov;

Music floods through the hall, blaring from the kitchen, and I follow it knowing Leila is the source of it. She can't hear me as I sit down at the breakfast bar and silently watch her work. She stands in only her nightshirt and panties as she sways her hips back and forth to the beat as Beyoncé's voice blasts from the speakers. I can just make out Leila's voice among the ruckus. She's singing along. The sound of her sweet singing voice brings a smile to my face. She finishes the omelet she started cooking and places it carefully on a plate, trying to keep everything as neat as possible. She then turns on her heels and sets the plate in front of me with a smile. She doesn't appear startled at all by my presence. Maybe she heard me come in after all. "You're unusually happy this morning." I take a bite out of the omelet she made me and her grin deepens. "Yes, sir." She says, in agreement with my assessment. The music stops with the push of a button and she slips into the seat next to me, plate in hand. We eat our breakfast together in a comfortable silence, only broken by my pause to compliment her on her immaculate cooking skills. "Finished?" She nods and I take hold of her hand. "Come. You can clean this up later." I grab her by both hands and escort her to the bathroom.

Leila eyes me curiously as I tug my shirt off by the collar and twist a knob in the shower to make the hot water come on. Her eyes dart to the spray of water and I see a flicker of desire in her dark eyes. "Arms up." I strip her out of her thin nightshirt and panties while she remains completely impassive, her eyes downcast to the floor. "Get in and get yourself soaped up." She nods and as she moves to step into the shower I give her backside a light smack. She hops in and hisses when the water hits her hands. "Too hot?" I ask, with a small sadistic smile on my face. "Here." I adjust the temperature on the shower to more of a lukewarm than scalding. She follows my orders and begins to wash herself, lathering peach scented soap all over her dripping body. I pause for a while to watch her, enjoying the show, as her hands skim along her middle and down between her thighs. Her hands linger on her breasts and I see her head tilt back slightly as she hums to herself. My fingers tug at my sweat pants and I step out of them, letting the grey fabric drop to the floor. I join her in the shower and quickly replace her soap covered hands with my own. "I think you're enjoying this a little too much." I take both her hands in one of mine and hold them behind her back. "Keep your hands here." I release her hands and she does as I say, keeping them behind her back. My hands slide up under her arms and cup her breasts. "Is this what you want?" I roll her nipples between my fingers and she leans back into me and moans. "Please, Master." She whispers. I keep one hand in place, doing just that, as my other hand slides between her thighs and my fingers ease into her. Her soft moans are barely audible over the shower, but I can see her mouth open from pleasure. I tug her hair to the side, out of my way, and push myself into her from behind. The steam from the shower creates my handprint on the shower wall as I hold both of us up.

Later in the evening, when the sun is just setting, Leila pads into the great room. I miss a note in the song I was playing on the grand piano from looking up to watch her entrance. She's all wrapped up in her silver satin robe, but I can tell she's got nothing on underneath. I restart my song as she leans against the piano to listen. She shuffles impatiently when she realizes I'm not going to stop playing to give her the attention she wants. I stop playing and glare up at her. "Go back to your room, Leila. I'll be up there later to say goodnight." She doesn't budge, she just looks at me and pouts. "Your room, Leila." I say, rougher this time. "I want to watch you play." She mutters, softly. Her fingers tug at the shoulder of her robe and it inches down a bit, showing a slit of her chest. "Leila, I won't tell you again. You're distracting me. Go back to your room." She smiles, but doesn't move. "Do you want the belt?" Her lips twitch as if she's going to laugh, but she composes herself. "If you want to hit me, you'll have to catch me." She challenges, taking a few small steps back. I cock my head to one side and get up on my feet, ready to grab her, but she takes off running. Her laughter fills the halls as I chase after her. She's not running fast but every time I almost catch her she evades me. It's infuriating. "Leila, don't." I reach out to grab her, but she slips around the entryway and down the hall to Taylor's room. Fucking hell! There's only one place she could be heading and that's Taylor's room. I sprint the rest of the way there and find her hiding in Taylor's room, just as I thought. Her tiny body is pressed up against the wall and mostly hidden behind Taylor, but I can just make her out. "Excuse me, Taylor." He steps out of my way and Leila grins at me, her eyes alight with mischief. "Gotcha." I grab her hand and nearly drag her out of his room and into the hallway. When were entirely out of Taylor's line of sight I throw her over my shoulder and take her to the playroom. When she's naked and trussed up on the x, I slather her body in hot oil and put one of my more aggressive pairs of nipple clamps on her. "This is why you shouldn't run from me." I say, as my whip smacks into the back of her thighs. I whip her over and over as she writhes beneath my assault. "Will you ever do that again?" I ask and she shakes her head. "I won't run, Master." She moans as I remove the nipple clamps, clearly enjoying her punishment.


	5. Chapter 5 - Her Muse

May 22, 2009

Leila's Pov;

In the evening I have dinner with Christian like normal. He's as bossy as ever, demanding I sit up straight and finish my food instead of just staring down at my half eaten plate as I'd like. I think he forgets how little it takes to fill me up, especially when I'm not in the mood to eat, but I don't argue. I obey his orders perfectly, knowing I'll be rewarded for it later. He seems pleased with me. I can't tell if it's due to my newly learned obedience or if it's because I've changed our contract to state that I'm open to discussing a new list of hard and soft limits, one that's open to more of the things he likes. Either way when I lay in my bed that night, all alone with my thoughts I find myself feeling happier than usual. Content. I feel safe with Christian, cared for, free from making the decisions. I want my time as his submissive to never have to come to an end. I want to be his forever.

The following morning with him is different from the others. After I prepare his breakfast, he leaves me alone in my room while he stays in his study to check up on work emails. He seems quiet today, more than normal, but also less tense. It's different. With my free time I decide to sort through the new art supplies he bought me. I arrange them nicely on my bed and inspect the array of paint brushes, paints, pencils, paper, anything I could dream of he's bought. It's all the high end kind too, not the cheap stuff I'm used to working with. The gesture was insanely generous of him, almost too much so. I don't deserve all the money he's spent on me since I got here, but I hope that with time I'll be able to make it up to him. He's been influencing me to paint more, to grow as an artist. He believes in me. He thinks I have talent, more so than I think. My door creaks open and in he comes, dressed still in his sweatpants and a t-shirt. I can't tell if he's been for his morning run or not yet, but I get the feeling he has. He's not one to break routine when it comes to his strict exercise and work routines. "Like the new supplies?" He asks, looking me over. "Yes, Sir." I keep my eyes down from him as he reaches out and strokes my hair. "Good. I thought you would." He takes a few steps away from me to admire the painting I've already completed on my easel. He takes the painting off and puts it to the side, leaving a new canvas in it's place. "Paint me something." He says, gesturing to the open canvas. I get up from my seat on the bed and approach the canvas, my mind racing with ideas for what I should paint. Maybe it shouldn't be anything at all. Maybe just a mix of colors. "But first, this should be off." He tugs the soft cashmere dress I was wearing over my head. "I can't have you getting paint on it. " He tosses it onto the bed and I stand before him in just my panties. My hair's just long enough so that it covers my breasts, but the rest of me is exposed. I turn to the canvas and take my brush, already dipped in an icy blue paint, and stroke it along the canvas. I begin to paint a landscape setting, all the while Christian stands behind me watching. Every now and then he reaches out and touches me, playing with my hair or just kissing the nape of my neck. "You're distracting me." The words leave my mouth before I can stop them, and they come out much ruder than I thought. I can be that way when I'm focused on my art. "Am I, now? Is this any better?" He asks, taking the paintbrush from my hand and splattering the paint across my front. He's not angry as I thought, but rather the complete opposite. He's Playful. "I think it's my turn to paint." He takes my brush and paint set from me and begins to paint on me instead of the canvas. He shoves my hair out of the way, then proceeds to cover my body in various colored paint splatters. He looks happy. Something I've rarely seen before. I giggle when the paint drizzles down my thigh, leaving a tickling sensation as it does. We play around in the paint togther. He paints me while I paint the canvas. We make a lovely team. He's in a particularly good mood today, and I want to make it last. As we mess around in the paints, making more of a mess than actual art, I even manage to get him to laugh. The sound is music to my ears. I'd do anything to hear it again. Anything he wants. "You're a mess." He says, his voice light with humor. He seems satisfied with the mess of paint he's made on my body. "Lets go observe my work a little closer, shall we?" He takes my hand and guides me to the full length mirror in my bathroom. I observe our reflection cautiously, not meeting his eyes even in the mirror. "I think I did good. You look beautiful." He muses, dragging his fingers through the paint on my side. "Now that the fun is over, let's clean you up." He turns the faucet in the bath on and the tub fills with warm water. "Get in." He commands, when the tub is completely full. I shimmy out of my paint covered panties and let them drop to my feet. Then I step into the tub and submerge myself in the water. He's quick to join me and I marvel at his naked body, eager to get cleaned off so that he can take me into the playroom. His perfect hands wash my body, sending a rainbow of paints into the tub with us. It's a happy time. One of the happiest memories I have of him. I sit back and enjoy it, knowing it may be my only chance to enjoy his presence like this before he goes back to being brooding and angry.


	6. Chapter 6 - Rule Breaker

June 1st, 2009

Christian's Pov;

When I arrive home from work Leila is there. She's laying on her side on the couch, perfectly posed with her legs crossed and arm propped out to hold herself upright. She could be one of the women from my paintings. Her serene expression turns into one of delight when she sees me appear. She's dressed only in a light pink lingerie set I bought her, leaving almost nothing to the imagination. As much as I love seeing her like this, all spread and nearly naked on my couch, anger boils up inside of me at the sight. She's not supposed to dress that way out in this part of the house where anyone could see her. Mrs.Jones has already taken the day off thank god but Taylor has probably already seen her on the security cams. "Leila...What are you doing?" I ask, approaching her slowly. "Waiting for you." She answers, sounding innocent, but I can tell by the slight smirk on her face she knows she's not supposed to be out here like this. I quickly get the hidden remote from the inside drawer of one of the small stands in the opposing corner of the room and turn the security camera for the living room off. "As pleased as I am to see you in this." I run my fingers over the thin nearly see through fabric on her chest. I can see the outline of her nipples clearly. "I think you know I would've been far more pleased if you had at least put a robe on over it." I don't mind her putting her expensive lingerie to good use around the house, but she should be covered with a robe unless we're in the playroom or I say otherwise. She knows the rules, yet she breaks them. It's delightful and angering at the same time. I love her mischievous nature. I love getting to punish her when she displeases me, but I love when she behaves even more. "What's this?" I ask, just noticing the faint crumbs dotted on the couch cushion. I never eat in here, or anywhere other than the kitchen. She isn't supposed to either, but clearly she has. "I baked some sugar cookies." She answers, eyes cast down. "Christ Leila." I mutter, taking her face in my hands to force her to look at me. "What am I going to do with you?" On the one hand she deserves to be punished, but I know deep down I don't want her to behave any differently. She's perfect. The perfect combination of angel and devil. The perfect match for me. "Cookies are definitely not on the prescribed list." I state, shaking my head at her. "But you like when I bake. It makes you happy." She whispers, a small smile on her face. She just wants to please me, always, I love that about her. "Yes. It does. But I'd prefer if you didn't leave crumbs like these on the couch no less. Surely you could've kept the mess strictly to the confinements of the kitchen." She nods, cheeks tinged pink. "I'm sorry, master." She breathes. "I know you are, baby. I think you know what's coming next though." Her smile resurfaces briefly, then she goes back to an impassive expression. "Over my knee." I command, and she positions herself as such. I slide her panties out of the way so her bare ass is aligned with my hand. "I'm only going to hit you five times, alright." She nods and I begin. My hand smacks into her ass and it turns red almost instantly. I do it again and she whimpers slightly. The sound of her pain only encourages me to hit harder. "Three." I announce the number were on, then smack her backside once more. She moans softly, her face buried beneath the veil of hair covering her. "Four." The smacking sound echoes through the room. "Five." I announce the last one, and make it the hardest one yet. Her backside has been made warm and pink by my hands. There's a big pink handprint across her ass to prove it. "Do you want more?" I question, dragging my hand across her backside. "No, please, master." She cries. Her pain makes my erection grow bigger. The good part for me is that it's not up to her. I have all the power. I spank her again, three more times to be exact. My fingers glide over her front and brush against her sex. She's soaking wet. "You're so wet, clearly you've enjoyed your punishment." I tuck her hair behind her ears and out of her face so I can see her expression. There's no hint of tears in her eyes. "Yes." She whispers, in admission. "Of course you have." She always does. She loves this lifestyle just as much as I do. It's part of what makes her the best submissive I've ever had. "What should I do about this?" I ponder, stroking her clit. I then take her hips in my hands and flip her over on her back. I fuck her right there on the couch, safe in the knowledge that the security cameras are off for the time being. Her moans come to a stop as I pull out and toss her aside, just before she could reach climax. "I've got better plans for you than just fucking on this couch." I zip my pants back up and she readjusts herself so she's in a sitting position. "I'd like to see about these cookies you made." I saunter into the kitchen and she follows closely behind. She's arranged them in a tin atop the counter. I pick one out and take a bite. They're good... Sweet like her. "Thank you. You did good." I pet her hair and she hums in appreciation. "Meet me in the playroom in ten minutes." Her eyes widen with excitement at my command and I know our playtime tonight will be mutually pleasurable.


	7. Chapter 7 - Dirty Laundry

June 17, 2009

Leila's Pov;

My body explodes with pleasure, and my back arches to soak up the feeling. It's like heaven itself has opened up in the crack between my thighs. I cover my mouth with the back of my hand, stifling the moans threatening to give me away. If Christian is anywhere near I can't risk him hearing me. After all I'm breaking one of his most forbidden rules and I'm loving it. Just thinking of him, his beautiful face, perfect body, his mercurial moods, that's what sends me over the edge. That and my excellent handiwork I've picked up from all times Christian has made me come this way. The warm sticky liquid drips down my thighs and all over my bedsheets, but I don't try to stop it. I don't mind the mess. I lay on my bed for a moment, just soaking in the sheer ecstasy flowing through my body. Every limb, every fingertip, all through my core, it all feels alive with sensation. It's borderline painful from all the stimulation, just the way I like it. 

When I'm all finished and I've come down from my orgasmic high, I decide it's time to clean up. I can't let Christian know what's gone on in here. The consequences of that would be unbearably painful. Most of his punishments are pleasurable to some extent, but the more serious ones aren't. I learned that the hard way. I refused sex once, against his wishes, just to see what would happen, to test his threats. He belted me until my ass was bruised and so sore I couldn't sit down without wincing terribly. Another time when I tried to test him on one of his most serious hard limits, touching him, he took me to the red room and beat with me with one of his canes. Since then I've avoided doing anything to risk being belted and caned again. Or at least I've avoided being caught doing anything to risk being punished that way again. I'm sneaky enough to get away with breaking the rules if I'm smart enough about it. Breaking the masturbation rule would surely result in painful punishment from Master. A punishment I don't want to have to endure.

To cover my tracks I start by gathering my bed sheets into a pile and toss them onto the floor. I replace them with fresh sheets and make the bed up good as new. Then I take the small black bullet vibrator I was using and hide it in one of the drawers of my vanity. I stole it from the playroom the night before and I'll have to wait until Master is asleep tonight to put it back. I managed to steal the key from Mrs.Jones one day and got a copy made so now I can get into the playroom whenever I want without any trouble. It's quite convenient. With my mess cleaned up in the bedroom I have to think fast on what to do with the dirty sheets. Christian will no doubt check them if I leave them in the laundry hamper in here, but if I bring them up to Taylor's room he'll have no way of finding them.

In the time I've been staying here I've formed a very positive bond with all the staff, Taylor especially. We've grown close, despite the fact that Christian keeps us apart as often as possible. I know how much he hates to share. Especially when it comes to me. He's so possessive over what's his. I sneak my way up to Taylor's bedroom and thankfully Christian stays in his study. I walk into Taylor's room without announcing myself and he jumps when he sees me. "Mrs. Williams. What're you doing in here?" He asks. "Sorry to startle you. I need you to put these with your dirty laundry, please. My sheets need to be washed. They're very dirty." I say, batting my eyelashes at him. He stutters and stammers a moment, obviously a bit shocked. It's kind of cute seeing him all flustered. It's surprisingly easy to get that reaction out of him and I enjoy being the one to do it. Awkwardly, he holds out his hands and I place the bundle in his arms. He takes my dirty sheets and holds them in a bundle in his hands. He's become quite smitten with me and I have to say I'm fond of him as well. He's very helpful and kind and most importantly discreet. Knowing that he hasn't the slightest idea why I've given him my used bedding brings a smug little smirk to my face. If he only knew... my smirk grows wider as I hold back a giggle. "Thank you, Taylor." I thank him with a big smile. I hold my hands behind my back and twist side to side, looking at him through wide doe eyes. He blushes and tucks the bundle away into a basket in his closet. "When would you like them returned to you?" He asks, all businesslike. "Whenever they're clean. Just make sure you get them to me only, not Mr.Grey." He nods. "Yes, ma'am. May I ask why?" I smile brightly at his seemingly innocent question. "You may ask, but I won't be answering." I wink at him and he clears his throat. "Mr.Grey." I turn my attention to the doorway where Christian stands. "Leila, why are you in Taylor's room?" Christian asks, his tone tinged with jealousy. "I was only asking him if he'd seen you. Why else?" I keep my eyes down so he can't tell I'm lying. "Well, you've found me." He grumbles, taking me by the hand. He walks me out and as I leave I catch sight of Taylor, looking uncomfortable and vaguely confused. I smirk to myself, then force my face back into an expression of apathy. Master has no idea of the things I do behind his back and I like to keep it that way. I have Taylor right where I want him, wrapped around my finger, and I know Master isn't far from being in the same position.


	8. Chapter 8 - Christians Birthday

June 18, 2009

Christian's Pov;

The smell of baking fills the hallways, bringing happy memories to mind. The crack whore, my birth mother, used to bake sometimes. It's one of the only happy moments I can recall from my childhood. The smell of chocolate cake is sensational. It makes my mouth water just thinking about it. I exit my study and begin to make my way towards the kitchen where Leila is busy baking away. She's making me a birthday cake per her own request not mine.

"What's your favorite kind of cake?" She asked while laying on her side on the bed of my playroom. "Chocolate." I answer her question without thinking. Chocolate cake has always been my favorite. Ever since I was a little kid. "Why do you ask?" I continue to rub ointment on her backside in slow circular motions. After care is extremely important after we've been in the playroom. Especially when our playtime gets rough as it did today. "I would like to bake you a cake for your birthday. If that's okay." For my birthday? How does she know when my birthday is? I've certainly never told her. I already have to deal with plenty of unnecessary celebration from my family. I don't want any more celebration than absolutely necessary. My birth is not something to celebrate. Although...The thought of Leila in my kitchen baking is the best present I could ask for on that dreaded day. "Yes. I think I'd like that." I accept her offer, knowing she wont be overbearing with it like my parents and siblings are. She wants to please me and I know that she will. Preferably in the playroom, after the cake has been baked and eaten.

She hums as she washes the cake batter coated dishes, hips swaying side to side to an unknown beat. I watch from where I'm standing just at the edge of the room. She turns just her head to the side to look at me and smiles, noticing me staring. Then she turns back to the dishes to finish washing up. "Your cake will be done soon. Only about five more minutes. Then I can cool it and put the icing on." She says, her voice remaining sweet and passive. She doesn't look at me as she speaks, she just washes the dishes. "Good. I can't wait to taste it." I smile, my eyes wandering down to her partially exposed ass. She's wearing just a simple t-shirt that's now been splashed with water and cake mix and lace panties. Just as I expected her to be. When she finishes with the dishes she wipes down the counter, then dries her hands. "Go get changed into some clean clothes. The cake should be done by the time you get back." I tell her, looking her up and down. She even managed to get cake batter on her legs. How she can get so messy I'll never understand. It's just the way she is, I suppose. "Yes, Sir." She patters on out of the kitchen towards her bedroom, bare feet smacking the floor all the way.

I retrieve a glass out of the cupboard and pour myself a drink of bourbon. Then I take it back to my study with me. I can hear Leila banging around in the kitchen as I type away at my computer. I've been trying to settle this trade deal for weeks, but it keeps falling through. It's frustrating as hell. I find myself finishing off my glass of bourbon in two drinks, and I call for Leila to come to my study. "Yes, master?" She stands just in the doorway, her small body leaning against the door frame. "Fetch me another drink." I command, holding the empty glass out to her. She takes it and does as she's told. She returns a few moments later, drink in hand. "Here." She sets it on my desk right beside the computer. She hovers at my side for a minute, watching me curiously. "Go, Leila. I want to be alone right now." She doesn't budge at my harsh words and anger flares inside of me. "Do I have to tell you again?" My palm twitches at the thought. She needs to do as she's told. It's not difficult. Yet she tests me at every chance. "No, Sir." She slowly turns and walks out of the room. She leaves me to myself for only about an hour and a half before she makes a return in the doorway.

I can tell she's there by the sound of her feet shifting against the floor as she leans on the door frame. "What do you want, Leila?" I ask, not bothering to even look at her. "I brought you cake." She says, sweetly, taking a few steps to approach me. Ah, yes. The cake I've been waiting for all day is finally done. She offers a plate to me with a thick slice of chocolate cake on it, still warm from being near the oven. "Mhmm...Smells great." I take a whiff of it's chocolaty scent and smile to myself. She slides down onto my lap and wiggles her ass on me. I raise my eyebrows at her in response and she stops moving. Instead she inches her fingers towards my plate with the cake on it, and I watch her, wondering what she's going to do. She dips her finger in the layer of icing atop the slice of cake and drags it into a heart shape, then she licks the icing off her finger. She doesn't take her eyes off me as she sucks at her finger, hard, and my cock hardens in response. I eye the little heart she's drawn into my icing for a moment. Then I take a bite of my cake. It tastes just as good as it smells, possibly even better. "Does Master like?" She whispers, her lips just barely brushing my ears. "I do, very much." I take a few more bites, finishing off the cake. Then I turn to look at Leila. Her eyes are cast down as they should be, but her lips remain turned up in a slight smile. "Happy Birthday, Master." She says, her voice soft and loving. I then lean in and kiss her smooth lips. She tastes good, sweeter than my birthday cake. I bite down on her lower lip hard and she moans. My eyes meet hers just for a moment as she tilts her head back, then she closes them. Ready for what's to come.


	9. Chapter 9 - Distance

September 22, 2010

Leila's Pov;

Master stands before me in his torn up jeans. All I can see are his bare feet and the ragged material of his jeans from my position on the playroom floor. My knees ache from kneeling. The pressure my body weight is putting on my already bruised knees is almost unbearable, but I ignore the pain. This is how Master likes me to sit, hands flat on my thighs, knees on the floor. I've learned to tune out the pain of anything that can cause me harm. It's easy that way. The pain turns into just a hum in the background of my mind. Easy to ignore. I feel empty, always. The only times I feel even a glimmer of happiness is with Master when he's happy and playful with me. It almost never happens. He's not happy today. He's angry and agitated. I know the only way to make him feel better is to let him take it out on me, in here, the red room. It's how he functions. I've been his submissive for a year and half. I know his many moods and mercurial nature. I know how to handle him no matter what version of him I'm handed on any given day. Yet I get the sense that he doesn't know me at all. Not only that he doesn't know me, but that he doesn't want to. He doesn't care about me as a person, only what I can offer to him. The thought is saddening, but I know I should not dwell on it. I knew he wasn't looking for a relationship when he found me. He just wants a good submissive. So, that's what I give him.

Master ties my wrists and ankles to their posts on the playroom bed. The knots are tight. The rope burns when I move. He hovers over me, I can feel his warmth. My eyes are covered with a blind fold, but my other senses are heightened. I hear the low hum of vibrations coming from the wand in his hand. It makes me squirm in anticipation. Moisture forms between my legs as Master inches the wand down my front. He takes it away just before it can get to the spot I was aching to be touched in. I groan in frustration, pulling on my restraints. They bite but I don't mind. "Hush, Leila. You're only making it worse for yourself when you do that." Masters voice is dark, carnal. He's teasing me and he's loving it. The wand glides over my breasts, heavily on my nipples. Then he rubs it up and down along my sex. I feel like I'm being set on fire by his touch. "Please!" I cry for him, beg for him to just let me finish, but he doesn't. He's enjoying my pain too much. It's intense, almost too intense for me to take. I won't safe word. I want to be good for him. I want him to be pleased with me. The vibrations come to a complete stop. He moves away from me. I'm alone. His footsteps are loud in my ear as he leaves to place the wand back in it's drawer. The footsteps move in my direction and he returns. He climbs onto the bed, onto me, and I arch my back up to meet him. I'm so close now. If only he'd inch closer, so he's inside me. I want him inside me so badly. "Master, Please. I need you." I whisper, tugging against my restraints again. "Say it again." He commands, inside me now. It's hard to breathe. "Please." I pant. I say it over and over like a mantra as he pumps in and out of me. I moan, unable to form the word any longer. That's when I feel him come inside me. That's when I finally let go.

Soft music from the piano is all I can hear as I lay awake in bed. I know Master is awake too. He always plays when he can't sleep. I want to help him. I want to soothe him to sleep, but I know he won't allow that. I can't touch him. I can't help him. I'm hopeless. I want him to let me in so badly, but he never will. He's always just out of reach in the distance. Still I go to him anyways, my tiptoes masked by the music. It's like the sound of his fingers hitting each key is drawing me in, pulling me closer. For so long I tried to fight it. I tried to convince him to want the same things as me, but I've given up. I can't have him, not in that way. Not as I am now. I have to find a way to make him see that love is not a scary thing. That he doesn't have to be so cold and cruel. He can be vulnerable with me. I just don't know how to fix him. I don't know how to get close enough to shatter the wall between us. I wish I did. I lean against the piano, not making eye contact with him. Neither of us say a word. He plays and I listen. We're inches away from each other, yet the distance between us has never felt so insurmountable. He might as well be a million miles away when it comes to his heart. The closer I try to get to him the more he distances himself with me. It's agonizing. I try so hard to be everything he wants. To be worthy of him. It's never enough to change his mind. He thinks he does not have a heart at all. He told me so himself. He's wrong. He has a heart, a broken one, but a heart just the same. Instead of talking I just watch. I watch as his narrow fingers stroke the keys. The song is so sad. He never plays happy songs. His music is always filled with melancholy. Just like him.


	10. Chapter 10 - Study Seduction

November 13, 2010

Christian's Pov;

I've been holed up in my study for hours working away. I barely even notice the time passing I'm so focused on my work. Leila's been off doing god only knows what all day. I can only hope she's staying out of trouble and that she hasn't been bothering the staff. She tends to get annoying when she's not receiving the maximum amount of attention possible at a given time. It's one of the only bad qualities I've noticed about her. It's often overshadowed by all the good traits. I think so highly of her, it's strange to think any differently. Although lately she's seemed different. I can't quite put my finger on what could've caused her to seem so empty. She's always been lively, happy, a bright light in my dark life. I worry about her, even though I don't like to admit that I care at all. I feel something for her, something I don't usually feel for any of my subs. I prefer to keep that part of me, the part that feels anything, buried deep down. Never to be seen by the rest of the world.

The door squeaks as it's being opened the sound is annoying. I must remember to get that fixed as soon as possible. I hear her light footsteps as she enters the room and I know at once it's Leila who's come to disturb my work. "What are you doing in here, Leila?" I ask, not taking any time for her to even get all the way in the room. She takes the few remaining steps into the room and closes the gap between us. "I just missed you." She practically purrs, her hands find their way to my shoulders and I cringe at the touch. It's not exactly in the forbidden zone, but it's too close for comfort. "Leila. You know how I feel about touching." I warn, giving her a stern look. She pouts out her lower lip and her eyes gaze down towards the floor. I think I've hurt her feelings, but it's difficult to tell. Instead of leaving as I thought she would, she hops into my lap. Her pout transforms into a sexy smirk and her eyes darken. "How about if I touch you like this?" She asks, her voice soft. She runs her hand up and down the crotch of my pants, making my dick hard instantly. "No." I swat her hand away and she backs off me at once. She tries a new strategy this time, standing, legs parted over me. "But I want to play." She whispers, then bites down on her bottom lip. I want to bite that lip...and not just to be cute as she is. I want to bite down hard enough to draw blood. I smile at her innocent expression. I know it's all a game to her. She couldn't be any further from innocent. It's good to see her in a playful mood. It's been too long. For months she was withdrawn, depressed almost. the mischievous gleam in her eye was gone. I thought I was going to have to let her go and find a new submissive. That it was too much for her to handle, that I was too much for her to handle. I thought that maybe she was too attached. I was worried she wanted or needed more. More than what I can give her.

She pulls me out of my worrisome thoughts by leaning further down, just enough to whisper in my ear. "I know you wanna play too." Her words go straight to my erection. Fuck. "Would you prefer it this way?" She turns around and bends over my desk. Her ass is just inches from my cock. The dress she's wearing today is short enough in the back that if she bends any further I'd be able to see straight up the dress. She's trying to seduce me and it's almost working, almost. "Leila. Get off my desk and get out of my study or I'm going to spank this lovely ass of yours." I reach out and stroke her backside. "Until you won't be able to sit for a week." She shudders slightly at my words, but my threat doesn't do much. She moves to stand in front of me. "Fine. Maybe I'll just go see if Taylor's around...surely he'll want to play with me." She threatens, making my blood boil. She's not going anywhere near Taylor. I grab her arm and pull her back just as she starts to leave. "Stop fucking around with me, Leila. I mean it. Now go." I release her arm and she walks out, a smug little smile on her face. She's got me wrapped around her finger and she knows it.

When I've finished up in the study I go off to search for her. If she wants to play so bad, then we will. But I can't promise it'll be pleasurable for her. I search her bedroom, but there's no sight of her. She's not in the bathroom either, or anywhere else in sight. I start to panic just a little. What if she did go find Taylor? What if she's with him now? I full on run to Taylor's room, but she's not with him. I walk into the living room and that's when I finally see her. I find her sitting in the middle of the living room, legs crossed. She looks so peaceful, so at ease. Her drawing pencils are spread at her feet and she's got her sketch pad sitting in her lap. She draws away on her sketch pad, oblivious to my presence. I take a few steps closer and peer over her shoulder to see what she's drawing. It's me. In the playroom. I'm standing over her kneeling body. I recognize the scene immediately. It was the first time I used the flogger on her in the playroom. She enjoyed it very much if I remember correctly. She had to have enjoyed it. Why else would she be drawing it out now. I'm filled with pride looking at her. She's so talented and sweet and beautiful and intelligent. The list goes on and on. I don't let her finish the sketch. Instead she drops everything and I take her to the playroom to do exactly what's in her drawing.


	11. Chapter 11 - Crazy In Love

April 3, 2011

Leila's Pov;

Master is asleep in his bed. He looks so peaceful. He never looks that way when he's awake. He's always so troubled and unhappy, but during sleep that all fades away. The anger and resentment in his face disappears into a restful expression. The moonlight coming through the window shines on his face just enough so that I can see him. He looks young and small, less intimidating. He looks vulnerable. I stare at him, wanting nothing more than to be asleep in the bed with him, in his warm embrace. But I know that's not what he would want. Master does not allow anyone to sleep in his bed with him, not ever. He doesn't want to risk being vulnerable. He can't bear being touched, even in sleep. He is beautiful. I could stare at his god-like face endlessly. I know I should be asleep as well, in my own bed,in my own room, but this is the only time I can spend with him where I don't have to hide my emotions. He would make me leave if he knew how much I care for him. He'd make me leave if he knew I wanted more. If he knew I had fallen in love with him. He doesn't want anyone, especially not someone like me to love him. He's afraid of being loved. It's foreign to him. He believes he's not capable reciprocating the feeling, but I know better. It's obvious his self doubt is what clouds his feelings, not lack of emotional capacity. He cares for me. I can tell that he does even though he acts like I'm nothing but a sexual object to him. Sometimes when his guard slips down I can see how much he feels for me. He is happy with me, at least sometimes. I've seen the proof. He smiles with me, he laughs, he cares. He has fun with me. He likes to play with me. He likes when I step out of line and cause trouble. He likes to punish me. He likes to see me in pain. He likes to hurt me. He can be so cold and ruthless when he wants to be. Master is dark. Master is dark and I love him anyway. He cries out in his sleep. It's a bone-chilling sound. He twists and his face changes into a terrified expression. He's having a nightmare. He does almost every night. I want to be able to comfort him, every night I hear him and see him and I want to help, but I can't. I am helpless. He is too. I know I have to run before he wakes and sees me. If he catches me watching him sleep he'll terminate our contract immediately. I silently approach him, and reach my hand out to cup his face. I gently stroke his cheek, the gesture makes his face relax just slightly. I bend down and kiss his forehead so lightly I know he won't even feel it. Then like a ghost I am gone before he can wake.

Instead of going to my room like I should, I go into Master's study. I carefully and quietly close the study door behind myself. I know being in here now is risky. Master struggles to sleep again once he's been woken by his nightmares. I kneel down on the floor by his safe and enter the password. I saw him open it once and memorized it. I knew it'd be useful to me to know the combination. Inside I see a medium sized box and I take it out, curious to see what's inside. There's photographs inside. Photographs of women, his other submissive's. They're in various poses, all naked, all in his playroom. They're lovely. I look through the stack twice, running my fingers over each image. The women before me all look like me, but don't. It's strange to see how little differences they all have. Master wants us all to look the same, this is what he likes. I pause on a picture of a woman standing, head down, face impassive. She's pretty and much taller than me. Her legs are long and slender and perfect. I've always wanted to look that way, to be so perfectly proportioned. I've always felt that my short legs make my body look stumpy and weird. I turn the picture of her over and sift through the pile once more. There are no photographs of me, I don't know why. The absence of them puzzles me.I know he's taken them, he likes to take pictures of all of us. Perhaps he's put them somewhere else. I'll have to remember to look for them when I get the chance, perhaps they're in his bedroom somewhere hidden. I place all the pictures carefully back into the box just as I found them and tuck them away in the safe. I know Master loves to look at them. He'd know if I moved them. I have to be extra careful when I touch his things. I can't let him find out how much I've discovered about him.

In my bedroom there's a tiny black box hidden underneath the bed. It's locked, but I have the key. I unlock the box and open it up, silver glimmers inside and I smile to myself. It took me a long time to get it and a lot of work to keep it a secret, but I managed to obtain it without drawing attention to myself. I hold the small revolver in my hands as I stand before my mirror. The gun is shiny and cold. I look into my own eyes in the mirror, examining my own reflection. I look sad even to me. I look dead almost. Like a ghost version of the woman I used to be. I hate myself. I feel lost and empty. Numb even. I feel alone. I give my reflection one last glance. I hate the person in the mirror, but I can't change her. Master wants me like this. I toy with the fully loaded gun in my hands. Then I put it back away.


	12. Chapter 12 - Masquerade

June 5, 2011

Leila's Pov;

I'm busy in the kitchen making Master his lunch when I hear Taylor in the foyer. I turn down my music, dimming the voice of Brittany Spears down to a near mute. Curiously, I try my best to eavesdrop on his conversation. I can't tell who he's speaking with. It sounds like the voice of a woman. I finish making his sandwich just the way Master likes it when he appears in the kitchen. He looks frantic and upset. I wonder if it's because of the woman Taylor is speaking with. "Leila, put this on and get out of here. Go upstairs." He nearly growls at me, tossing me his button up. I don't question him, I just put the shirt on over my silk and lace nightgown. I run to the staircase and hide just out of sight from Christian. A woman approaches him from the foyer with Taylor at her side. "Christian, honey, I've missed you so much." She gives him a hug, careful not to touch his exposed chest. Why didn't he keep his shirt on? She can't see me from here, let alone what I'm wearing. "I've missed you too." He says, dryly. He pulls away from the hug. "Mother, why are you here?" That's his mother? I watch more intently, wanting to know more. "The masquerade is this weekend. I just wanted to make sure you would be there." She walks further into the room, closer to me, but I don't move. I want to see her more clearly. "Of course I'll be there." He assures her. She looks directly at me. It's too late to hide now. She's spotted me. "Good. Now, who's this?" She asks, her eyes darting up to me. Christian sighs. Master is angry. Angry with me. I come down from my hiding spot to greet her. "This is Leila." He introduces me, and his mother offers me her hand. We shake and she looks me up and down. "Nice to meet you." She looks to Christian, a mix of shock and curiosity on her face. "Why didn't you tell me you had a woman here?" She asks, a small smile on her face. She's never seen him with a girl before. He doesn't want his family to know about us. "I was getting to that." She rolls her eyes at his obvious lie. Then she looks back down to me. "She's absolutely beautiful." I smile at her. "You should come to the masquerade too as Christian's date, Leila." I gape at her, unsure what to say. "I'd love to come." I answer, my eyes locked on Christian. "I don't think that's the best idea." Christian says, but his mom ignores him. "Don't be silly. I'll see you both there." She winks at me, then hugs Christian one more time before Taylor leads her out.

June 6, 2011

In front of my vanity I put on makeup for the first time in months. Christian watches from my bed. "Use the plum colored lipstick. It'll go nicely with your dress." I follow his instruction and apply some of the darkly colored lipstick to my full lips. When I've finished I turn to face him. "You look beautiful. I'll go get your dress." I stand and wait for him in my sheer bra and panties. He returns and helps me into my dress. He slips red bottomed stilettos onto my feet. Then he puts jewelry on me. The outfit he's put me in must have cost more than all the money in my bank account, but it looks amazing. Too gorgeous for someone like me. "Do you like it?" Master asks, looking at me in my mirror. My heart shaped face and wide eyes are the only things I truly recognize about myself. The rest is too glamorous, nothing I've ever experienced. Even with all the shopping trips he's sent me on and expensive clothing he's bought I've never worn something this luxurious. The dark blue gown I'm wearing makes my body look amazing. I'm not good enough for him to be spending so much money on me. I'm not worthy. "I love it, thank you." I look down at my feet to avoid his eyes. "But?" He encourages me to go on. "But I don't believe I should have all of this. I'm not worthy of such a beautiful gown, Master." I break his rules. I didn't hide from his mother like I should have. He didn't want me as his date tonight. He was forced into it. "Listen to me, Leila. You are more than worthy." His eyes burn into mine, his face serious. "You look beautiful. Everyone will see that tonight." I take a deep breath, listening to his words. Then I take his hand and allow him to lead me outside and into the car.

The masquerade ball is magical. His family has really gone all out on it. I stand back most of the time, arm hooked with Christians. I don't speak unless he allows me to. I mostly just watch him interact with the others here. He's so charming. It's truly intriguing to watch the way he talks to people. His mask is solid black and it darkens his appearance. It suits him. He leads me to the table with his family when he's done interacting with the other guests. I sit by his side, arms folded in my lap, while the auction begins. His family is interested in me, but I'm hesitant to say much to them. Master doesn't want me to reveal much of anything to them, so I don't. When the auction is over he takes me out to the dance floor. I've never danced with him before. I think back to all the times I've danced around the apartment. He never joined me, not once. He only watched. He told me he likes to watch me dance, so I would whenever he wanted me to. It's strange to be dancing with him instead of alone. I've never been so close to him. I've never touched him in this way. I don't want it to end. He holds me in his arms, our bodies not even an inch away from each other, and we sway side to side. He spins me around and I giggle at the amused expression. He's enjoying himself. He then takes me in his arms and dips me down. I stare up at him, eyes locked on his. He's taken my breath away and he seems pleased to have caught me off guard this way. He brings me back up and turns me around, his front pressed to my back. His lips hover next to my ear, and I'm ablaze with desire. "You've been very well-behaved this evening. I'll be sure to reward you for that when we get back to Escala tonight." His promise sends a rush of heat through my core and I turn around to face him. His eyes look dark, sexy, but the smile on his face tells me he's happy.


	13. Chapter 13 - More

June 22, 2011

Christian's Pov;

Leila looks up at me through her long dark lashes, her expression unreadable. "May I speak?" She asks and I nod. "Of course." I'm curious to see what she has to say. She licks her lips and her eyes dart down to the floor briefly, then back to me. "I really enjoy our time together." She starts, staring up at me with wide eyes. "I do too." I always enjoy my time with her. She's the best sub I've ever had. "I want more. I don't just want to be your submissive, as wonderful as that has been. I want to be your girlfriend, officially. We could go out together and we could spend time with your family. I know they really like me and they want you to be happy. You could be happy with me. I could be your date to all of your family's events like the masquerade. I could stay here permanently, not just weekends. I can make you happy. I can please you everyday. Whatever you want, I want to give it to you. I've fallen in love with you." I'm completely caught off guard by her words. She wants more? Why? I've told her that's not something I can give her. That I'm not capable of love. That I don't want her love. Yet she's offering it to me anyway, asking for mine in return. "Leila..I've told you many times that's not something that I've ever wanted. You've been a good submissive. I love our time together, but I don't love you." I say, eyeing her cautiously. I don't want to hurt her, but I have to. I can't be in a real relationship. I can't handle those sorts of things. I can't even stand to be touched. She knows this. "You know that I don't want anything more than that, a submissive. I'll terminate our contract and I'll find another. Taylor will take you home. You can go get your things." My voice sounds empty, numb, even to my ears. I don't want her to go. That's the last thing I want, but I can't give her what she wants. I can't return her love. "No, I don't want to leave. Please, Master, let me stay. I won't ask for anything more than to be your sub ever again. I promise." One look at her tear stuck face and I find myself almost wanting to cry too. I can't let her go. It's too painful. I don't want to find a new sub. I want her. I want Leila. "Okay, You can stay. I'm done talking. Eat." She nods and follows my command, diverting her attention down to her plate. I know it's wrong to allow her to stay. I should make her go. She said herself she has feelings for me and she knows I'll never return them. Why did it have to come to this? Why can't it stay the way it was in the beginning? It reminds me of a time long ago, when we were sitting right here, having a very different conversation.

Her eyes were ablaze with mischief as she made he chase her around the breakfast bar in the kitchen. She laughed, a happy sound, as I grabbed for her, but failed once again. She evaded my grasp again, slipped right through my fingertips. "Just give me the iPod back, Leila. I'm not asking for a lot." I try to reason with her, but she doesn't listen. It's a game to her, one she loves playing. "No, I'm not finished with it yet." She runs off with it and I chase her down. Finally I catch her, both arms wrapped around her so she can't get away. She squeals with delight as I throw her over my shoulder, iPod in my pocket, and carry her to the playroom.

She lays on the bed in the red room, tied down into place, blindfolded and all. I plug up my iPod to the speakers, ready to begin my relentless torture of her senses, starting by depriving her of hearing in addition to seeing and moving. But when I go to my music library the song I wanted isn't there. In fact none of the songs I added are there. They've all been replaced by Leila's favorites. "What the fuck is this?" I mutter out loud and Leila giggles. I know she's responsible. She took it upon herself to add to my music library when she stole my iPod from me earlier. Now the library is filled with Brittany Spears, Beyoncé, even Lady Gaga. All of Leila's beloved pop artists. No more orchestra music. Not even a piano ballad. Just relentless pop beats and occasional hip hop. Nothing that could be of use to me here. "Now you're really going to get it, Mrs. Williams." I can't help the hint of humor in my voice as I press play on a Brittany spears song and it fills the room.

July 17, 2011

I'm still thinking about our conversation about her feelings for me weeks later. It's been all I can think about. It's concerning to me how she can express her love for me one day and then the next act as if nothing happens and be the perfect submissive she once was. Now that I'm watching her more carefully I start to notice things I didn't realize before. Red flags I hadn't noticed. She's been paying more attention than I ever noticed. She's smarter than I thought, maybe even smarter than me. It's worrying. How she can feel so strongly yet act as if it's nothing. The way she looks at me sometimes it's like there's some hidden thoughts there. Something I can't quite put my finger on. I watch her carefully, but I never get any proof of her doing anything other than being the perfect submissive she's always been. Sometimes I feel as though she's watching me, but when I look she's never there. I get the feeling she's planning something, but I can't tell what.


	14. Chapter 14 - Complete

June 22, 2011

Leila's Pov;

Master stares down at me, watching over me, as we sit at the breakfast bar to eat. I swallow the bite that's in my mouth, feeling a lump form in my throat. I look up at him through my lashes, my expression neutral. "May I speak?" I asks and he nods, giving me his permission. "Of course." He's always interested in what I have to say, yet I ask permission each time I want to speak to him. I lick my lips, my insides contract from nerves. I know that what I plan to say next will upset him but I have to know if my thoughts and hopes are correct. I need to know that he does love me, even though he doesn't believe in love. "I really enjoy our time together." I start slow, building up to it. I stare up at him with wide eyes, reading his reaction carefully. "I do too." He says, sincerely. I take a deep breath, then a small smile appears on my face. He enjoys our time together... "I want more. I don't just want to be your submissive, as wonderful as that has been. I want to be your girlfriend, officially. We could go out together and we could spend time with your family. I know they really like me and they want you to be happy. You could be happy with me. I could be your date to all of your family's events like the masquerade. I could stay here permanently, not just weekends. I can make you happy. I can please you everyday. Whatever you want, I want to give it to you. I've fallen in love with you." I confess my love, staring deep into his beautiful grey eyes. Those eyes have seen so much hurt. I just want to make him happy. I want him to let me love him. I can tell he's caught off guard by my words. He looks confused and upset as I thought. He sighs and his eyes cloud over. He's starting to shut down. To hide his feelings like he does with every strong emotion. Anything that's not controlled and clear and safe. "Leila..I've told you many times that's not something that I've ever wanted. You've been a good submissive. I love our time together, but I don't love you." He eyes me cautiously. His words sting and tears form in my eyes. Why can't he just admit the truth? He loves me. He doesn't have to hide from me. He doesn't have to push me away like this. "You know that I don't want anything more than that, a submissive. I'll terminate our contract and I'll find another. Taylor will take you home. You can go get your things." His voice sounds empty, numb, broken. He doesn't want me to go. He doesn't want anyone else. He wants me. He loves me. He doesn't want to lose me. I won't leave him, not ever. "No, I don't want to leave. Please, Master, let me stay. I won't ask for anything more than to be your sub ever again. I promise." I look at him, tear struck, my eyes filled with emotion. He needs me. If he made me leave he'd never be the same. I can't let him make me leave. I'd be nothing without him and he knows that. He would never let me go that easily. He can't. He tells me I can stay and to continue to eat. He's finished talking, but that's fine by me. I got all the answers I needed. I divert my attention down to my plate, and when he's no longer looking I allow myself to smile. He loves me it couldn't be more clear. He just needs me to take the next step for him. He needs a reason to keep me. Forever.

August 19, 2011

Leila's Pov;

I know now that it was wrong of me to ask him for more than what he can give. It frightened him. Yet I could see in his eyes that he didn't want me to go. He didn't want to lose me. Besides, I did things with him the other girls didn't, we already have more. His awareness of my feelings have made him wary of me and I hate that. I tell myself that he'd never do anything to ruin what we have no matter what his fears are but I still have my own fears. I'm constantly worried I won't be enough for him. That I could lose him. I want something more permanent than our contract. A physical thing tying him to me. 

When I began waking each morning feeling ill excitement bubbled up inside me. I kept it contained, even though it was difficult. This is what I've been waiting for, the thing I planned from the moment I called Dr.Greene to cancel my last three appointments with her. Christian didn't seem to notice since I usually go to them on the days I'm not with him. It worked perfectly. With all the times we've been in the playroom, the study, my room, the kitchen, the shower, countless times he's been inside me, I knew it'd happen quickly. All the signs are there. The morning sickness, missed period, more mood changes than normal, appetite changes...it's all there. Last night, I stopped by the drugstore and picked up a box of pregnancy tests. Then I took them back with me to spend the weekend with Christian. I watch myself in the mirror in my bathroom at Christians apartment as I open up the box and follow the instructions. There's a short wait for it to process the results, so I leave the test on the counter for a moment as I move to sit just below it. I'm overjoyed as I knock the test into the waste bin along with the rest of the box of tests. I no longer need them. I can't wipe the smile off my face. I have Christian's baby growing inside of me. It's everything I've ever wanted. I finally feel complete.


	15. Chapter 15 - Pushing Limits

August 19, 2011

Leila's Pov;

Christian is sitting at his desk when I approach him. He looks stressed about something, but I can't tell what. It must be something at work. "Leila." He says my name and I come to him and crawl into his lap. "Yes, master." I search his eyes for some clue as to what he's feeling, but his expression remains blank. "You seem happy this evening." He states, catching onto my cheerful mood. "I am." I beam at him. How could I not be when I've just received such wonderful news? "Good." A touch of a smile tugs on his perfect lips. "How about if you meet me in the playroom in about five minutes?" He suggests, seeming more questioning than demanding. "I'd like that very much." I whisper. Then I lean in and give him a tender kiss on the cheek.

August 20, 2011

Christian's Pov;

I pace back and forth in the foyer, steaming from the argument I just had on the phone with Andrea. I know I shouldn't have taken out my anger on her and I'll have to apologize tomorrow, but I'm still fuming from losing my most recent business deal I had been pursuing. "Christian." Leila's soft voice from behind me causes me to stop my pacing and turn around. One look at her delicate face and I feel my anger soften. I could really use a trip to the playroom with her right now. "May I speak? I have something I'd like to tell you." I arch a brow at her, wondering what she wants to tell me that she feels she couldn't just come out and say. "You may." I give her my permission and she seems to become visibly nervous. "What is it?" I ask, trying to keep my voice gentle, hoping to encourage her to talk. I don't like to be kept waiting. "Are you okay? I heard you yelling on the phone. You seemed upset." She looks up at me, eyes wide. "I'm fine, Leila." She nods, but says nothing more. "What did you want to tell me?" I ask, more stern now. She chews at her lower lip for a moment, then steps towards me and wraps her arms around me. She positions herself up on her tiptoes and tilts her head to the side so her lips are against my ear. "I'm carrying your child inside of me." She whispers and my heart drops. I stare at her blankly as she pulls away from me to look at my expression, smiling sweetly. "What?" I mutter, half only to myself. "I've already spoken to your mother. She's very excited to be a grandmother." She continues, grinning up at me. "My mother?" She nods, reaching her hands up to my shoulders. "You called Grace!" I shove her hands off me. "Shh...this is a good thing. I know you love me and I know you're going to love our baby too." She says, running her hands up and down the length of my arms, trying to soothe me. "You did this on purpose? You think I want this?" I can't contain my anger, it's like an explosion just went off in my head. She pouts, reaching out towards me. She runs her fingers through my hair and I freeze at her touch. "It's okay. Don't be afraid." She coos, stroking her fingertips through my hair. She rubs up against me just slightly, and I can feel her warmth through my clothes. I want her so bad. I hate her so much. I don't understand this. I need her off me. I shove her off me, and she blinks at me, stunned. "Christian, calm down. Just let me help you calm down." She pleads with me, trying once more to pull me into her embrace. "You know how to make how your feeling go away. You can take me to the playroom, right now. Do whatever you want to me." Her words are sickening to me. I don't want anything to do with her. How can she not see that? "Leila, I'm only going to tell you one more time. You need to stay the fuck away from me!" I push her off me, this time with more force. She winces slightly, but she doesn't run as I expected her to. She reaches for me again, this time she grabs my hand. I can't think past the blinding rage building inside of me. Instead of pushing her hand back again I grab onto her wrist with force and hold her in front of me. "Stop trying to fucking touch me! Can't you see I don't want you! I don't want any of this!" I'm only partly aware that with every word my grip on her has tightened. "You had no right to call my mother! She's probably scared to death right now. What the fuck is wrong with you? You cancelled your appointments behind my back! You lied to me about taking your shots! You fucking got yourself knocked up as part of some ridiculous plan you've made up where we're going to be together and be some kind of happy fucking family! I've got news for you, Leila! That's never going to happen!" I scream all the thoughts that are running through my brain straight into her face. I don't care when I see tears start to drip down her face. I can't feel anything other than pure rage. "Hey, let go of her!" Taylor's voice breaks through our heated moment as he bursts in and runs to us. I stare at Leila for a moment. I don't release my grip on her at all. "You need to get away from her. Let her go." Taylor commands his hand planted firmly on my shoulder, ready to either hold me back or push me off. I twist her arm back violently, then I shove her into Taylor's arms and storm out the door into the rain soaked street.


	16. Chapter 16 - Damage Control

August 19/20, 2011

Christian's Pov;

Rain drips down my face and body, soaking my clothes, as I walk through the streets. I'm not even sure where I'm going until I see the exterior of Esclava still lit up across the road. My feet take me there without a second thought and as I approach the door I see Elena is inside. I take a deep, calming breath. Then I knock on the door and wait while she comes to unlock it. She pulls the door open and smirks at me. "Christian." She greets me, then steps aside so I can step inside. "Is something wrong? You usually don't come to see me this late at night, especially when you've got someone waiting at home." I shake my head, unable to form an appropriate response. I don't know what to tell her about Leila. I'm not even sure why I came here in the first place. "You're upset about something. Talk to me." She brushes her fingertips over my bicep and I shiver away from the touch. I don't want a relationship with her like that, but she doesn't seem to get the message. She's my past, not my future. "Somethings wrong with Leila." I state, blankly. "Oh? I'm sorry to hear that. I can get you a new submissive if you'd like. Someone better." I shake my head. "This isn't something you can fix. Actually, Elena. I don't think I want your help anymore. I don't want you to find me anymore subs." I ignore the look of shock on her face. "I think that we should just keep our relationship strictly business now." I keep my voice, cool and calm, emotionless. "Christian you don't mean that. You need all those things. You need me." She purrs, making my blood boil. "You don't know a thing about what I need." I storm out of the salon and make my way down the street to the nearest bar. I need to blow off steam and clearly talking to Elena won't do me any good.

A few drinks in, I'm sitting alone at the bar, and a woman approaches me. She starts to introduce herself to me but I cut her off at once. "I wan't to be alone." I growl, glaring at her. She backs off immediately, looking intimidated, and I'm free to finish off another round of drinks without any further interruptions. When I'm on the verge of being too drunk to stand I decide it's time I head back to the apartment. I can deal with Leila in the morning, but I need to be home and have had some rest before I can do that. The cab drops me off outside the apartment and I stumble inside and through the elevator doors into the foyer. I fall onto the end of the couch, only halfway landing on it my consciousness evaporates.

When I come to, there's sun coming through the windows and someone's fingers are fiddling with my hair. "Fuck!" I bolt upright, only to see Leila curled up next to me. "You smell like bourbon and you left a giant wet spot on the couch." She says, eyeing me curiously. "Where'd you go?" I frown, looking at my still damp couch cushions. I'll likely have to buy a new one after covering it with rain water. I run my fingers through my hair, looking her up and down. She's still in her clothes from the night before and the dark circles under her eyes have gotten deeper. "Have you slept?" She shakes her head, indicating that she has not slept at all since yesterday. "I was worried about you." She whispers. "Oh, Leila. Let me get you cleaned up? You can take a bath and then I can put you to bed." I offer and she giggles. "I think it's you who needs to take a bath." I smile at her comment. "Okay, me first, then you." I agree.

Leila is in her room, sitting on the bed, when I finish my shower. "Hey." I approach her cautiously, just now taking notice of the brace on her wrist. She seems to notice me staring because she moves her arm out of my view. "It's just a sprain. Taylor took me to the hospital after you left." Shit. Seeing what I did to her brings up painful memories from my childhood. Memories of the crack whore and her pimp, the things he did to me and to her... I swallow hard. "Leila, I'm so sorry." I move to sit down on the bed with her and her lips turn up into a smile. "It's nothing...Don't worry about the hospital visit either. I didn't tell anybody you did it. Our contract is still intact." She glances up at me, her expression unreadable. She's more concerned about the contract than her own well-being and even the safety of the baby inside her. The thought bothers me deeply. "I don't care about the contract. Let's go get you cleaned up and something to eat, then you can take a nap." She nods in agreement and allows me to take her into the bathroom and assist her in getting cleaned up. I'm careful not to touch the braced part of her arm.

She sits at the breakfast bar, freshly bathed, and watches as I try my best to make her something she can eat in the kitchen. I throw together a seemingly edible sandwich and set it on a plate in front of her. "I hope this will work. I'm not used to this cooking thing." She laughs, inspecting the sandwich. "I think this will be just fine." She assures me, then takes a bite, putting me further at ease. While she's eating, I walk out of her earshot to call my mother. I manage to calm her down and assure her that we can talk more about my complex situation with Leila at another time. Thankfully she hasn't told anyone about her conversation with Leila other than my dad. I don't know what I'd do if she had told Mia. For now I need to have Leila begin staying with me full time so I can watch over her until we figure out what to do next.


	17. Chapter 17 - Gunpoint

August 21, 2011

Christian's Pov;

I roam the streets and through various stores and shops, in search of something that catches my eye. I came out into town today for a specific reason and that reason was to buy Leila something. I wanted to get her a gift, something to apologize for my behavior towards her when she confessed her pregnancy to me only two days ago. I feel immensely guilty for hurting her, both emotionally and physically. The brace on her wrist reminds me of the pain I inflicted every time I see it, making me wish I could take it all back. I now have one goal, aside from keeping Leila safe, healthy, and happy, and that is to make things right between us. I need to right all my wrongs against her. I'm just not quite sure how yet, but I figured buying her something nice could be a start. I just have to figure out what I could possibly buy her. My first thought was flowers, the go-to apology gift, but I know she wouldn't like that much. I want to get her something actually meaningful, something she'll truly like. I know she loves art, but I've already bought her a near lifetime supply of high-end art supplies. As I'm looking around,my eyes land on a sign for an art sale and it hits me like a tidal wave. I should buy her a painting. She's always said she has an appreciation for original locally made art. Now's my perfect chance to buy her some.

An hour later, I return to the apartment with a painting in hand and a sense of purpose. I can't wait to get this to Leila. She's going to love it, I just know it. I take a quick glance at the painting one last time before I go to her room to give it to her, and I tuck it away in the bag I carried it home in. I lightly knock at her closed bedroom door until I hear her answer. "Come in." She says, allowing me to enter the room. "Hey. I just wanted to apologize again for everything. I feel terrible about my actions lately. I wanted to make it up to you." Leila stares at me, waiting for me to continue. "I bought you a gift." I hand her the bag with the painting in it and she opens it up. A broad grin appears on her face as she sees what's inside and I can't help but to smile back. "Thank you, Christian. It's lovely." She says, then to my surprise she hugs me. She's careful not to touch my chest during our brief embrace. "There's something I wanted to talk to you about." I begin, hesitant. I don't know how she'll react to what I have to say. "Yes?" She whispers, now looking concerned. "I know we agreed that you should stay here through the duration of your pregnancy, but once the baby is born I'd like to have you a house picked out to live in. I can pay for all the expenses and it'll be close by in case you need me." I know she has this fantasy of living here with me and us being together, but I can't continue to lead her on like I have. We just don't want the same things. She has to know that, there's no more avoiding it. "But we won't be living in it together...because you don't want me." She looks up at me, her expression pained. I reach out to comfort her, but she pushes my hand away and jumps up to leave the room. "Leila!" I chase after her down the hallway and into the foyer, but I'm stopped when she reaches into the pocket of her sweater and pulls out a gun. My breath stops in my throat as she aims it straight at me, right at my heart. "Leila." I say her name again, quietly this time, my voice laced with anxiety. She doesn't respond, seeming trapped, wrapped up in her own inner chaos.

My eyes lock on the gun she's holding out, aimed straight at me, as I my mind races with every memory I have of her. Every second that's led up to this. The moment her wide bourbon brown eyes meet mine and I had gasped in awe of their beauty. The way her soft voice had called me sir on our first meeting. Her darkened gaze, sweet smile, warm laugh, and gorgeous face. The way she had me hypnotized from the very first evening we spent together. The first time she came to my apartment. The way she had been soaking wet from the rain, but still looked stunning as ever. Our dinner together in my home, when she received her first punishment. The way she had smiled at the pain, rather than shying away from it. The first time I took her to my playroom and all the times that came after. How she knelt before me, surrendered herself to me, entirely at my mercy. How her skin warmed beneath my touch, the way she moaned my name, the heavenly feeling I experienced inside her. When we she would cook breakfast in the morning, music blaring, and cheerful as ever. Her constant mischief, how it used to both entertain and infuriate me. The way she would paint masterpieces before my very eyes. When she would bake and the smell would fill the halls, reminding me of happy times. She had me wrapped around her finger, anyone could see it. Spending my birthday with her was a novelty. I had never done such a thing with my other submissives. Taking her to the masquerade ball as my date. The night she met my colleagues, friends, and family. She gave me more, more than I asked for, more than I ever thought I could deserve, and I wrecked her in return. I didn't reciprocate her love, but I should have. I wish I could have. I loved when she stole my iPad and filled it with her favorite music, songs I've come to love because they remind me of her. There were bad times too, events that spiraled out of control in ways I never could've dreamed. Her unplanned pregnancy, the fight that followed, my termination of Elena and I's friendship, Leila calling my mother to try to force me into acting the way she wanted. The way she used to manipulate me with sex and threats. The way I craved her darkness because it mirrored mine. Everything has changed because of her. I've changed because of her. None of that matters now, as I stare into the barrel of her gun.


	18. Chapter 18 - Aftercare

August 24, 2011

Christian's Pov;

Leila's small frame seems even smaller as she sits on the edge of the bed, her legs are curled, and her body is hunched over slightly. I watch her through the glass, brows furrowed with concern, as she waits for Dr.Flynn to engage her. Instead of going to his office as most clients do he made a special trip to see her in the psychiatric facility she's currently residing in thanks to a very persuasive phone call from me and a massive pay raise for the extra trouble. I know I shouldn't interfere in Leila's medical help as much as I have been recently, but I truly believe I have her best interest at heart. I wanted her to see Dr.Flynn because I believe he's the best at what he does. If anyone can help her it's him. After all I've done to cause this mess the least I could do is be sure she gets proper medical attention. She certainly needs it. She seems disinterested, staring past the doctor instead of at him as he begins to converse with her. While I wait outside trying not to draw attention to myself, Dr.Flynn sits across from her in a chair with his notepad and talks with her, most likely discussing me, and even more likely discussing how I drove her to the mental breakdown that got her in this place. I sigh and look away to check my cell, not wanting to see that empty look in her eyes any longer. I just can't believe this is how our relationship ended up.

\---

August 21, 2011

Leila holds the gun out to me, eyes filled with tears. She's cracking, crumbling right before my eyes, but as long as her hand remains firmly wrapped around the gun she's in control. I feel a burst of emotions run through me as the shock subsides. Panic. Fear. Anger. Sadness. Desperation. I want to lunge at her and grab the gun straight from her hands, but I know that would be far too dangerous. I have to be more strategic. Manipulative. I have to be the one in control. I know that behind the anger and pain in her eyes there's need there too. She needs me. She's a sub at her core. She could never fully resist my power over her. No matter how she feels. We stare each other down, neither of us moving a single inch. Then I hold my hand out to her and her finger grazes the trigger. The movement startled her, but she still hasn't shot at me. Her lips part slightly as she lets out a shaky breath, our eyes never breaking contact. She wants me to stop her, she won't resist me. "Leila." I say her name softly, gently. She swallows hard. "Kneel." I command her. She does just as I say and drops to her knees on the floor. The gun clatters against the hard floor. A shot fires, just past me, as it hits the floor. Her head stays bowed but her body jumps at the sound. Taylor runs in, having heard the shot, but he's too late to really be of any help. "Get the gun." I say, to Taylor only. Then I kneel down on the floor with Leila and take her into my arms. Her tear clouded eyes stay locked on the floor as I hold her. We don't say anything.

\--- 

August 24, 2011

My thoughts of that horrible last night with Leila are interrupted by a man saying my name. "Christian Grey?" I recognize him immediately as Leila's doctor. He did a full body examination on her when she was checked in to make sure she didn't have any pressing physical injuries before they did her mental exam. "Yes, that's me." I answer, snapping to attention. He might have an update on Leila. "You're the one who brought Leila in correct?" I nod in confirmation. "You stated upon admitting her that she was pregnant. It seemed that was your main concern physically." I nod again. "Yes." I made sure the doctors were aware of her condition to prevent them from giving her any medication that could harm the baby or otherwise put her at an extra risk. "Ms.Williams isn't pregnant. We tested her before even beginning to discuss her treatment plan. From the look of shock on your face, I can tell this must be news to you." I struggle to regain my composer after the shock his first sentence put me in. "She...She told me she was pregnant. She was sure of it. Was she lying?"Why would she lie about something like that? Just to see me suffer? To get my attention? To convince me to give her more? That's insane. "That's, of course, a possibility, but when we spoke with her she was just as shocked as you to hear the results of her pregnancy test." I swallow hard, trying to process his words. Leila isn't pregnant. What's even more confusing is that this is news to her as well. The doctor seems to catch on to what I'm thinking, likely from the obviously dumbstruck look on my face. "It's likely that she wasn't in fact lying but that she really did truly believe she was pregnant." He answers my unspoken question. "She claimed to us that she had taken a home test and that she had been showing clear symptoms." She never showed me the test. I never asked her to take one in front of me. Maybe I should have. "Did she ever show you a pregnancy test?" He asks, seeming to once again know what I'm thinking. "No, I didn't really give her the chance to." I wince slightly at the memory of the night she announced her pregnancy to me."Well, If she did take one as she said, she could've easily misread the results based on her perception at the time and the way she was viewing reality." He continues his explanation of the situation. "It's also possible that she was experiencing false pregnancy symptoms. She wanted to be pregnant very badly and her mind had convinced her that what she wanted was the reality." Reality is something she's certainly out of touch with, but up until now, I hadn't really understood the severity. This has been going on much longer than I thought. The incident with the gun wasn't just a psychiatric break. This is something that happened gradually over a long period of time. Something has broken deep down in her and it's been that way for a while. Which means she's much worse off than I thought.


	19. Chapter 19 - Rebreak

August 28, 2011

Christian's Pov;

In the waiting room of Dr.Flynn's office, there is a lovely new painting on the wall. It wasn't here when I came in for my last appointment. I take the time to admire it as I wait for his appointment with the client who came in before me to end. It's dark and gloomy looking, a huge contrast to the other paintings he keeps out here. It's done in purple and deep blue hues and on a small canvas. It looks familiar somehow. I wonder if there are others by the same artist that I might've seen. "Mr.Grey." The secretary at the front desk calls my name and I direct my attention towards her. She motions for me to go ahead and enter Flynn's office, so I get up and walk into his office. The doctor greets me as I walk in and we have a brief conversation about abstract things as I take my seat. "I know how much you love topic avoidance, Christian, but you came into my office for a reason." Flynn says, giving me a stern look. "Not in the mood for small talk, John?" I ask, annoyed by the condescension in his words. "Just trying to save you some money by getting to the point." He shrugs, knowing he's getting on my last nerve. "Fine. I'm here to talk about Leila. Can you give me an update on her condition?" I know she's in the best care possible, but that doesn't stop me from worrying. "She's doing fine, Christian. Better every day." That's all he's going to give me? That she's fine? I stare at him, waiting for more information. "You know I can't disclose private information about her mental state. Instead of talking about how Leila herself is feeling, I think it's time we talk about how you're feeling about Leila." How do I feel about Leila? That's a loaded question. One that opens up boxes of emotion buried deep in my brain that I never wanted to have to let out. "I'm worried about her. You know that." He nods. I think I've made that particular aspect of my feelings for her very clear. "You care about her." He states. "Yes." I care for her a lot. More than any of my previous submissives. "You love her." I grit my teeth, unsettled by his choice of words. "Yes." I admit, my voice barely a whisper. "But?" He questions, urging me to go on. "But I'm not in love with her." I say, my voice hollow, filled with regret. "I think you should tell her that. I know you've been visiting her. She's very grateful for your visits. She thinks they're a good sign that you'll want to continue your relationship when she gets out. But you and I both know that's not going to happen. There's no reason to keep leading her on. It's not helping her condition." I knew my visits with her might give her false hope, but I couldn't stay away. "Won't telling her that now just make her worse?" I don't want to hurt her any more than I already have. She's emotionally fragile enough as it is and I don't want to demolish the progress she's made thus far. "It could. But sometimes you have to rebreak a bone before it can heal properly." I don't want to break Leila's heart. That's the last thing I want, but I know he's right. I have to stop being selfish with her if I ever want her to heal.

On my way out of Dr.Flynn's office, my cell rings in my pocket. I check the caller id and see that it's my mother calling to check up on me as she's done every day for the last four days since I told her about everything that happened between Leila and I. I answer her call as I get into the car with Taylor. "Leila." I say to Taylor so he knows to take me to visit her. He nods in understanding, then I direct my attention back to my phone call. "Hello, mother." I greet her, trying my best to sound happy even though inside I'm filled with anxiety. "Christian. How are you today? How is Leila?" She asks, the motherly concern showing in her voice. "I'm fine. Going to visit Leila now." I want to keep our conversation brief. As much as I appreciate her desire to help me somehow, I've never been a fan of accepting help of any kind. "That's good. You'll update me on everything tomorrow?" She asks. "of course, mother. I"ll call you tomorrow to check in." I calmly reassure her. She's been particularly concerned about how I'm handling the situation with Leila since I told her Leila isn't pregnant as we thought. Thankfully her and my father are the only people aside from Leila and I who knew of the situation, so I don't have to deal with the pressure of explaining all that's gone on to the rest of the family. I end our call as we near the building Leila is staying in, mentally preparing myself for what I'm about to do.

Leila and I sit together in silence. We only have a few more minutes of visiting hours left. It's time I do the one thing I've been avoiding this entire visit. "Leila, I need to talk to you...About what happens when you get out of here." She gazes at me impassively, her eyes void of all emotion. "I want you to get better. I want you to be happy and healthy and whole. I don't want to hurt you anymore. I'm going to pay for all the medical attention you need, indefinitely. I'll give you the money necessary to get a place to stay after here. I'll even pay for you to attend art school. I want all of your dreams to come true and I want the best for you, always. I love you so much Leila, but we can't be together. I can't come to visit you anymore. I can't be in your life at all. I'm so sorry for all the pain I've caused you and I'm sorry for the pain I'm causing now by leaving you. But I have to let you go. It's the only way you'll heal." I look into her beautiful bourbon brown eyes, one last time. Then I turn and leave.


	20. Chapter 20 - Epilogue

Christian's Pov;

On my third visit with Flynn since cutting all ties with Leila, I finally worked up the strength to ask him if the painting in his waiting room was done by her. It was, of course, I'd recognize her anywhere, even through her art. He told me that she painted it for him as thanks for all his help. He updates me on her frequently now. She's mentally more stable than ever. She no longer begs him to convince me to visit her as she did up until her last day in the facility she was staying in. Now she only mentions me when she wants to pass on her thanks for my support in her growing art career. She's taking advanced classes at a local university and she's selling pieces she makes in her free time. I'm pleased to know how well she's doing without me. It's exactly the kind of future I wanted for her. She's moved on and I couldn't be happier for her. But I'm not happy myself. I can't be, not until I move on with my life too.

When I get home from work I call my mother. We've been talking much more frequently than we usually would since I ended my relationship with Leila and surprisingly I don't mind the closeness. I still shy away from any serious conversations about my feelings, but for the first time, I'm actually trying to open up to someone other than Flynn. She picks up after the second ring and greets me happily. She's always overjoyed to talk to me and I feel the same towards her even though I'm not as expressive about it. "Mom, I need to talk to you and not over the phone. Can you come here?" I ask, panic rising in my chest. She agrees to come over right away so we can talk. No questions asked.

She sits on the sofa with me now, neither of us sure who should speak first. I know it should be me. I asked her to come here. It was my decision to come clean about my past to her. Well, a combination of mine and Flynn's decision. I came to the conclusion on my own but he helped me along the way. I have to accept my past If I want to move on to a better future and part of accepting it is to be honest with the only woman I'm certain will always love me unconditionally. "You remember your friend Elena. I did some work for her when I was younger." I start with a deep breath, ready to narrate the most deeply hidden secret of my life to the woman that raised me. "Yes." She looks at me with confusion clear on her face. "When I was fifteen, when I came to her home to do yard work for her, she kissed me. I kept coming back after, over and over again. She was the only person I felt understood me. I would lie and tell you I was going somewhere else with someone my own age, but I was with her. That kiss had lead to more. We had a sexual relationship that lasted a few years. She initiated all of it, but I didn't stop her. I didn't want to stop her. I thought what we did was all I could ever be worthy of. I know now how wrong what we did was, what she did was. She knew I couldn't bear any affection, that it repulsed me, but that didn't stop her from giving me the exact opposite of the affection I've always needed. She punished me physically often, for me it was the only discipline that truly worked, for her it was a sexual thing. She introduced me to BDSM. I thought she was helping me, but she hurt me a lot more than she helped me. I realize that now after what happened with Leila." I feel anxiety in my chest stinging from my confession as I finally look up into my mother's eyes. "Elena abused you. When you were fifteen. She molested you. She raped you." My mom mutters, looking more upset than I've ever seen her before. "Yes. I didn't see it that way at the time, but yes. That's what happened." I whisper, not breaking eye contact with my mom. I run my fingers through my hair, wishing she would just say something, anything, to break the silence. "I'm sorry." I say, noticing the tears that have started to form in her eyes. "You're sorry? Christian, you have nothing to be sorry for. I'm the one who should be sorry for letting that vile woman anywhere near you." She says, her expression apologetic. "No, mom. Don't blame yourself for this. This isn't your fault." I quickly dismiss her apology. "Why are you telling me this now?" She asks, her voice cracked with emotion. "Because I needed to. I needed to tell you a long time ago, but I couldn't." I admit. "I think the reason that my relationship with Leila ended so badly was mainly because of me. Because I couldn't accept her love, because I believed I didn't deserve it. A big part of the reason I feel like I'm not capable of love is because of what Elena did to me. How she conditioned me to think and act. It was wrong." I feel a huge sense of relief now that I've told my mother everything. Flynn was right. It did help me to tell her. I'd been holding that pain inside for far too long. "Oh, Christian. You are deserving of love. You always have been." My mother reaches for me and I allow her to embrace me fully, chest and all.

From what I've seen of her Leila looks much healthier. She looks happy, glowing, and bright. Much like the girl she once was before I even met her. There's light in her eyes again and a smile to match. She's not broken, not at all, not anymore. Seeing her that way gives me hope for the future that after all I've done I can be better too. I no longer desire a new submissive. I don't want that kind of relationship at all anymore. I craved that kind of relationship for all the wrong reasons. I hurt Leila because of it, because I was hurting. I don't ever want to do that to another woman again. If that means I have to be alone then I'll be alone. My feelings for Leila and all my other submissives were tangled up with my feelings for my birth mother and tainted by my past with Elena. If I ever want to be with someone again I have to be able to move on from my past completely. I have to heal and I believe someday I will. I owe everything to Leila for that. She changed something inside me. She made me realize that I can be more. That I can grow and change and love just as much as any other person on this planet. I know without a doubt that she will find someone who will love her and that she'll move on and be happy without me and for once I'm able to believe that I will do the same.


End file.
